Tin-foil hats are essential protection from alien mind control!

Don Quixote is likely the smartest man that ever lived. He is the first to discover the secrets of the tin-foil hat. He played the fool to divert attention from himself, but in reality, he was a brilliant scientist!
The tin-foil hat offers absolute protection from alien mind-control. It is also an impenetrable barrier to remote viewing and from anyone reading your thoughts. Guaranteed!!!

For security reasons, I cannot reveal my true identity or the location of my secret laboratory. But rest assured, I am a real person. I live in a house just like a lot of other people. If you saw me on the street, you would not recognize me. That is not me in the picture. I am not paranoid. I am completely normal.

I’m Nobody! Who are you?
Are you—Nobody—Too?
Then there’s a pair of us!
Don’t tell! they’d advertise—you know!

How dreary—to be—Somebody!
How public—like a Frog—
To tell one’s name—the livelong June—
To an admiring Bog!

-Emily Dickinson