All hats come with a no questions asked lifetime guarantee! If for any reason, you feel your mind is being probed, or if the shadow government is compelling you to do something against your will, your money will be cheerfully refunded. All hats have a three week lead time and are shipped in a shielded container so homeland security cannot detect the contents. Shipped in plain brown paper with no identifying marks. Shipping is free!


Tin-foil hat

Two layers of premium heavy duty tin-foil. Fits any size head. The unique scooped out portion of the brim was discovered by Don Quixote, and serves to tune the brim to the exact vibration of alien mind probes.
only $775 Click here to order.


Premium tin-foil hat

Identical on the outside, the premium hat has the additional protection of a copper mesh faraday cage between two layers of premium tin-foil Offers double protection!
only $1550 Click here to order


Healing Tin-foil hat

If you gave already been infected by alien darkness, this hat not only protects you from mind probes but fills your brain with light and removes the darkness.
only $3775 Click here to order.